40 Calming Strategies for Kids: Your Ultimate Guide

Written By: Ashley McCargish

 

Learn and Try These 40 Calming Strategies for Kids – no matter what your child’s reason for showing big emotions! These are the tips and tricks you need to be understanding, empathetic, and supportive in their biggest time of need!

 

 

Children are small, mighty humans. The most important keyword there is human. 

 

Just like you and I are. 

 

It’s hard to remember that when you have 2 or 4.5 foot little one looking up at you who is depending on you for nearly everything. 

 

While at the same time trying to become as independent as possible. 

 

This combined with feeling new, raw emotions. While trying to regulate all the new sensory inputs of our world can lead to some cranky, rough days. 

 

We all have them but what do you do – when you wake up and your child is off? 

 

You know … those days. You know it the moment you see them and talk to them that morning. They tell you they want pancakes for breakfast and then cry that they don’t want pancakes after you spent 20 minutes making them (while forgetting to drink your coffee). 

 

We’ve all been there and it can get frustrating! 

 

We are the adults in the situation and it’s our job to help them. 

 

When you are in a rough mood you use your self care “tool box” to help like going on a walk, taking a shower, or (if you are like me and it’s not a pandemic) take a long stroll through Target. 

 

But children are learning how to do these things. I have spent the last 11 years working as an educator. With the past 7 as an intervention specialist working with kids that are learning social and emotional regulation. 

 

To say I’ve learned a thing or two about child behavior and self regulation is an understatement. 

 

Have no fear I’m here to help you! These are the tools that we can use to help our kids have a better day. There are things we can do to teach them these self-help skills that we know as adults. 

 

In this article you will learn 40 things that will help an upset child throughout their day. 

 

1. Get on Their Level

 

 

Think about how you feel when someone is standing over you talking to you. It automatically feels intimidating .  

 

Anytime you are asking your child to do something, setting a boundary, or engaging with them we should be on their level. This means we may need to crouch down, sit down, or hold your child so they can see you. 

 

2. Tell Them About Their Day so it’s Not a Surprise

 

Children are just like us they love consistent routines, expectations, and schedules. So be sure to give them a heads up when their day will be different. 

 

Some easy ideas are to: 

 

• make a countdown calendar for big events
• make a visual schedule (draw pictures and use words to show them their day)
• remind them the night before if something tomorrow will be different

 

3. Make the Day Predictable

 

This kind of goes with the last one. But as a teacher (and mom) I notice that our best days are the days that are like every other day. You know the ones without “special plans”, the days when it’s the “regular” old routine. 

 

At school I keep things in the classroom very consistent, even down to the words I use. 

 

Now as a “stay at home mom” in the summer I use this same tactic with my kids. Everyday we follow a very similar schedule. 

 

Comment below if you’d like me to post about our daily or morning routine. 

 

4. Sing to Them

 

The truth is … I’m an awful singer. I honestly cannot hold a tune. But guess what? My kids don’t care! They didn’t care when they were babies and they don’t care now. I still sing to my youngest when rocking him to sleep and changing his diaper. 

 

When nap time became an everyday battle with our 3 year old, I made up a song. Problem solved! He now settles right in when he hears that song! It’s a comfort to him. 

 

Occasionally I have to start singing it to him at the door as soon as we walk in his room for “quiet time”. 

 

So the next time it’s an off day or an off moment try a song! 

 

5. Tell Them a Story

 

When we transitioned my then 2 year old to a toddler bed we had a hard time keeping him in his bed at night. 

 

My husband started telling him a “night story”. The same one every night. It became routine & consistent. By adding in this small story into our night routine helped him learn that it is bedtime and it’s time to stay in his room. 

 

6. Sensory

 

Ahhh sensory needs. Basically anything can be a “sensory” need, right?! Me singing to them is sensory. 

 

But let’s look at some KEY sensory needs that may be throwing your little one off. Being an educator we evaluate sensory needs all the time with students and your kiddo is no different! 

 

• You know that feeling when you crawl into your bed at the end of the day (especially if it’s a fresh set of sheets)?! That feeling is sensory. 
• Crunching down on potato chips after a stressful work meeting? Sensory. 
• Changing into your sweats when you get home because your work pants are uncomfortable? Sensory. 

 

Our kids are NO different. The next few things are all sensory related but could be making a big impact in your child’s behavior. 

 

7. Give Them a Hug

 

 

Sometimes all our kids need is to feel is our embrace! It can be a similar feeling to a weighted blanket but better because it’s their parent, their number 1! 

 

8. Snacks

 

If they are hungry, feed them. Nobody wants to be around someone that is hungry! However, you know that grit feeling that you get with your teeth when you are overwhelmed, frustrated, or anxious? 

 

Kids get it too and one of the best ways to help them get that stress out is saltine crackers. They provide just enough crunch and blandness that it is a go-to for some of the students I’ve had in the classroom. 

 

9. Change Their Clothes

 

We already talked about how you change your clothes when you get home. Nobody wants to be uncomfortable in their clothes. Maybe the easiest fix is changing their clothes. 

 

Check to see if there is there a tag bothering them? It could be that they outgrew their clothes and you didn’t realize it, because … well life is busy! I can assure you that this has happened with my toddler and his shoes! Kids sometimes grow out of their shoes faster than anything else!

 

10. Smells …

 

It’s a thing, and if there are funky smells in the home it could be causing a cranky child! 

 

Don’t worry just blow out the candle, open (or close) a window, or go to a different room of the house. Remember it could be your own coffee breath, sorry but it could be momma! 

 

11. Go for a Drive

 

Sometimes our kids are just dang tired of being at home! Especially right now when our world is upside down and backwards. 

 

So go for a drive, run through the drive-thru, do a Target drive up pick up, or just go to a different neighborhood to take a walk. A change of scenery is sometimes all it takes to change a mood of your child (or yourself). 

 

12. Give Them a Bath

 

Ahh a bath! It’s my main form of self care! Try it for your kids, you never know maybe it’ll be there’s too! 

 

Do you follow Busy Toddler on Instagram? If not check her or her blog out here. She has the best ideas and some include a bath! She discusses popsicle baths, LEGO baths and more! 

 

13. Rock Them

 

Is your old nursery rocker collecting dust or piles of laundry? No judgement here if it is, but pull it out! Pick them up and rock them! 

 

A rocking chair in my kindergarten through second grade classroom was used more than just for read alouds! The sensory the chair gives children could be just what they are searching for to help calm their body.

 

Plus … I’m always told that feeling the weight of your child (“at any age) on you never gets old! 

 

14. Go Outside, Get Fresh Air

 

No Explanation needed … my mom has told me on the challenging days “give them a bath or take them outside”!

 

15. Take a Walk

 

Depending on your child’s age put them in the stroller, let them ride their bike, or let them walk beside you. This is one of my favorite parts of our day! My earbuds in, podcast on, and kids in the stroller! Self care for me and my kids are contained, comfortable, and safe!

 

16. Play a Game

 

Are they craving attention from you? Without your phone? Put your phone down and play a game with them you’ll both be glad you did! 

 

*check out a list of games perfect for 3 year olds here* 

 

17. Tickle Them

 

Ahhh tickling the great distraction! There are mixed studies on the benefits of laughter but you can read more about some of the benefits on the here.

 

18. Watch a Show Together

 

We have pretty strict screen time boundaries in this house. However I’ll bend them if everyone is grumpy! 

 

Throwing on an episode of Mickey Mouse, Doc. McStuffins, or Curious George is all we need to give (mom a break) and them something else to focus on. 

 

On the flip side too much T.V. or screen time can also be damaging. If your child has had the iPad, your (or their phone), computer, or been watching the T.V. too much lately it could be affecting their mood. 

 

19. Give Them a Choice

 

Put the ball in their court! Let them pick what their snack is, what game to play, what to have for dinner. Give them some control! 

 

This tactic is a teacher’s gold mine. We give choices all the time the key is to NOT give a choice that you wouldn’t be okay with.

 

For Example:

 

• “You can have an apple or cheese stick for a snack.” I know we have both of those options in the house and I’m okay with him eating either of them. 
• You can ride your bike on the driveway or we can take a drive around town.” Again I’m okay with either choice but the child feels in control of what we get to do. 

 

20. Throw a Ball

 

This is a trick I’ve learned in teaching. Let them throw a ball … you give them the boundaries. You can throw the stress balls from this bucket, at that wall. 

 

If they throw a different ball or throw it somewhere other than the wall then the option is over. 

 

This is major input for our kids. It gets aggression out in a positive, effective way. 

 

You can even have them play basketball or throw a baseball with you in the yard- depending on age and ability. 

 

21. Play Music!

 

Turn on some tunes and have a dance party in your kitchen! You won’t even be thinking of the rough day you were having previously! 

 

22. Ask Them to Help You

 

Little kids (and big kids) love to help! We add it to behavior plans at school all the time! It could be a rough day because you have a lot on your plate. I know getting them involved may take longer to complete the task.

 

However if you can get them involved it teaches them life skills, makes them feel important, and helps create bonding time!

 

My 3 year old helps me every week with washing, rinsing, and cutting produce. They can also help carry or push laundry baskets, put toys away, and even sweep! 

 

23. Bake Something Together

 

 

Some of our favorite treats to make are yogurt bark, Rice Krispies and banana bread! Yum! 

 

24. Pack Up and Go On an Adventure

 

… we totally do this! If I’ve had enough we go to my moms. It gives them a new environment, toys, New snacks, and most importantly Grandma! 

 

Grandma is too far? Try going to a friends or meeting a friend at a park for a play date, when kids are little anything can be an adventure! It doesn’t have to be a big elaborate trip, you could even take them to a local creek or pond.

 

25. Less Words the Better

 

Anytime you are dealing with someone who is cranky, upset, showing behaviors, or having a meltdown use less words. To be honest they probably aren’t listening to you anyways and even if they are they are only going to hear what they want to hear! 

 

This is not the time to be explaining why you are upset or why what they could do better next time. Just use this time to get them calm and distracted when they are in a better place mentally is the perfect time to discuss social skills and explain the choices they made or didn’t make.

 

26. Get Out a New Toy

 

A simple mom hack, when you get new toys at Christmas or birthdays put some away. 

 

Most likely (depending on age) your child won’t notice. Then when you need it you can say “hey look at this!” A new toy could be the perfect distraction! Rotating toys is a great way to do this as well. You child may have forgotten about some toys you had put up before.

 

27. Remind Them of Something Funny

 

My 3 year old and I have little quirks (inside jokes if you will) between the two of us. 

 

I can’t remember where some of them came from and to anyone else they sound like a foreign language. However to us they are hilarious, the funniest thing you ever did hear! 

 

To us they can turn most any “mood” around. It’s important that we build these connections with our kids. 

 

28. Start Playing with Their Toys: Make Up Stories

 

I give my husband the award for this one! 

 

The kids will be upset and there my husband is with their toys making an elaborate scene! The next thing you know everyone is involved! 

 

29. Read One of Their Books

 

I know they don’t want to hear it … until you start reading and they come over to see if. You can also try reading it in a funny voice! 

 

30. Go To the Park

 

Take a picnic, a ball, and blanket to the park!

 

31. Check Your Own Self Care

 

Hate to break it to you momma but maybe “your it” on this one! If you need a shower take one!, change your clothes? Do it, drink a tall glass of water- go for it! 

 

You have to come first to keep this ship sailing! 

 

32. Change the Scenery

 

Go to a different room in your house, we touched on this some with smells. 

 

But a new room in the house (for us) means different toys, books, wall art to discuss, and a new way to play! If your kids don’t want to go with you … if they are anything like mine you can go and they will follow. 

 

33. 5 Candles

 

This is another educator trick that I use with my 3 year old. We started it when he was 2. 

 

It works like this

 

• You put up 5 fingers
• Say “blow out the candles”
• Each time he blows you put down a finger
• He does it until he has all fingers “blown out”

 

This gives him a lot of oxygen to the brain which will support him and help his body calm down. 

 

When people are overwhelmed or anxious one of the best things you can do is get oxygen to their brain – get them deep breathing it will help! 

 

34. Instill Nap Time

 

I have instilled nap time at 4 PM before. If anything it causes a reset, it gives me and the child a minute to relax! 

 

Make sure you talk to your pediatrician if you feel like your child is not getting adequate sleep at night. 

 

35. If You are Out and About – Leave

 

I took my boys to the pool recently. We got there and about 5 minutes into being there I knew it’s a not a pool day for us. They were whiny, cranky, and struggling to listen.

 

I told a fellow mom in the baby pool “We haven’t even been here 10 minutes and I think we need to leave. It’s just not a good day for us.” She looked at me and said, “at least you can recognize it and know their needs.” 

 

I was shocked! I wanted to HUG her! We have to support ourselves, each other, and our kids in this parenting thing. It’s not easy but sometimes it’s just best to leave. 

 

36. Look Out the Window – Watch the Cars Drive By

 

We have a huge window in the front of our house facing the street! My kids love climbing up on the chairs by the window and watching all the cars! They will watch the cars, people, dogs, etc. go by for 30 minutes! 

 

37. Play Dough

 

I once heard a fellow intervention specialist say “just call me the break lady!” There are days it can feel like that because our kids do need breaks!

 

All kids (and adults) need a break. 

 

In the classroom we have break choices. They are usually things like play dough, stress putty, kinetic sand, drawing paper, or a snack (Saltines, please). 

 

If we use stress putty in school why not try it with your child at home. Let them stretch it and roll it out. 

 

It’s a great calming tool if we let it be.

 

38. Hang Them Upside Down

 

Stick with me here … an awesome occupational therapist I worked with once told me that hanging from a bar with both hands (especially upside down) can do wonders for a child! 

 

It has to do with the Vestibular system (aka the inner ear). When we get our head upside down it helps our bodies realign, find a sense of balance, and supports spatial awareness (our ability to recognize where we are in the world). You can read more about this on this Scary Mommy Blog Post. 

 

Some other activities you can try to support this need in your child is swinging, sliding, and riding a bike. 

 

39. Let Them Rip Something

 

When kids feel big emotions they have to have a way to get the aggression or emotions they are feeling out. One way to do this is by letting them rip paper or a styrofoam cup. 

 

Give them the object they can rip & let them have at it. I have watched this technique calm down so many children in my years as an intervention specialist. 

 

Be careful with this it can be effective but make sure you have clear boundaries with your kids. You do not want them ripping important documents in your home.

 

40. Find an Unrelated Talking Point

 

Talk to the child about anything unrelated to the problem at hand … pets, weekend plans, family members, tell a story you think is funny. 

 

The point here is to switch their frame of mind. When you engage the child in something unrelated to what they are upset  about you can find a calmness in them. 

 

I hope these 40 ways have helped you find some new ways to support your child. This  is not to say you can’t discuss the problem or their behavior later. 

 

But we can’t discuss appropriate behavior or social skills to children that are upset, frustrated, or acting out. 

 

First we have to build connections, relationships, and trust to then begin social skill discussions! By showing them you are in control, that you want to help them find calm, and that you are going to guide them in the tools they need to feel calm you are building rapport and trust with the child. 

 

Now let me know what effective calming strategies you use for your children. 

 

Please share this resource with a parent, caregiver or teacher that is looking to help children find calm each day!

 

Remember to Pin me for Later!

 

 

Love, Ashley E