Teaching Empathy to Small Children

Today I’m diving in. I’m diving into empathy. I’ll be honest it wasn’t that many years ago that I learned about empathy. 

 

Don’t get me wrong, I knew of empathy. However I’m not sure I understood the importance of it or the idea that it a plays a role in every relationship, friendship, and connection I have with others. 

   

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The truth is empathy drives connection. It’s what helps us build connections. Without it we are full of loss, judgement, emptiness, and longing. 

 

Most of our kids will naturally begin to develop it. But that doesn’t mean that as adults (or even kids) it’s easy for everyone. 

 

In this post you’ll learn what empathy is, why it’s important, and how to teach it to young children. 

 

What is Empathy? 

 

Empathy is the ability to think about how someone else is feeling. It is the human ability to understand feelings that someone else is feeling even if we haven’t experienced their reality in our own life before. 

 

Empathy is also building connections and relationships with others. It’s being vulnerable and saying “wow I’m so sorry you are going through that…” Then searching for a time in our lives that we have felt that same way. 

 

It is being understanding and building connections. 

 

The best source of empathy I have ever heard or seen is this YouTube video done by Dr. Brené Brown a researcher on shame and guilt. 

 

She illustrates the idea of empathy in a way that resonated with me. It’s a clip under 3 minutes and I definitely suggest you check it out! 

 

I love the illustrations because she’s able to show how we are able to “get on another person’s level and try to understand their feelings”. 

 

The illustration also explains what empathy is not. That it is not judging and it is not saying “at least”. 

 

Why is Empathy Important? 

 

Building empathy is important because it helps us build connections with other people. It’s our ability to allow others to trust that even if we haven’t gone through their experience we can say we are sorry and listen to their thoughts. 

 

By showing others empathy it helps them to rely on us when they are in a difficult situation. It is the way we connect and build relationships with others. 

 

The truth is some adults struggle with empathy. It can be challenging when you hear about someone else’s difficulties. 

 

It can make us to feel uncomfortable or like we aren’t sure what to say to someone who is confiding in us. 

 

Let’s take a look at this example: 

 

I have a co-worker that is going through a very challenging situation right now. She’s been confiding in me about things that I have NEVER experienced. I have no life experience in what she is going through. 

 

Just because I haven’t experienced what she is experiencing doesn’t mean I don’t have other family members and friends who have experienced what she is going through. 

 

I show her empathy by listening. I don’t cut her off or tell her how great (or how bad) things are. Then I tell her I’m sorry, I’m a Christian so I tell her I’m praying for her. 

 

Then when she’s ready I get vulnerable and I tell her a time that someone in my family went through something similar. I find a way to relate to her situation, to show her she’s not alone.

 

When we are able to show empathy it helps others learn trust us when they go through difficult situations. If they know they can come to us or talk to us, it helps develop relationships and build trust with others. 

 

Why Should I Teach my Young Child Empathy? 

 

It is important that young children can do this so they can start to develop relationships and connections. Your child is going to go through tough and challenging situations. Therefore when they develop the ability to build connections with others, it may provide them with the needed skills to work through difficult situations they may encounter.

 

It supports the idea that we don’t have to go through difficult situations alone. That other people can help support us through them.

 

How do I Teach my Child to be Empathetic? 

 

There are a few steps kids have to take before they will start to show empathy but research shows they can (and most do) start to show empathy around age 2. Around this time they can identify that someone is showing emotions different than they are and try to find ways to help soothe someone.

 

Let’s go through some of the important steps to start taking when teaching empathy to young children. 

 

The first thing children must do is identify feelings in themselves. Someways you can do this starting at a very young age are by: 

 

-Naming their feelings by saying out loud,

 

“He took your book, I can tell you are upset and would like it back.” 

 

“You are asking for a snack – you must be feeling hungry.” 

 

“I know you are disappointed because you wanted to play with your toys but right now it’s nap time.” 

 

-Telling them feelings of characters in books … for example my son (age 3) loves the “If you Give a Mouse a Cookie” book series. Within the story the child usually looks tired, exhausted, and sometimes annoyed! You need to tell your child how the character is feeling and why, “I bet the boy is tired because the mouse is so busy!”

 

-Acting out small stories with their stuffed animals or dolls using feelings

 

Next children have to start understanding that other people have feelings. In my house I have cried in front of my kids … I know that’s not the case in every house. If it’s not in yours that’s okay. 

 

But my kids need to know that feelings are real and everyone has them- even mommy and daddy. My son (age 3) will say “mommy is sad”. This is the first steps of him beginning to recognize that other people have feelings. 

 

He has done things to help me feel better like bringing me his lovey, giving me a hug, and sitting with me. This is empathy. Probably in one of its purest forms. 

 

We also work on empathy through books. One of the best books for helping a child to understand someone else’s point of view is “The Rabbit Listened”. If you haven’t read this book and you are looking into teaching empathy to a young child look no further. 

 

This story is about a child named Taylor that builds something amazing with her blocks but then they all come crashing down. Different animals come to help her and although they offer a lot of suggestions… only the rabbit stays to listen. 

 

The rabbit shows empathy. The rabbit helps Taylor through all the emotions until she’s ready to build the tower again. I love this book and I think your children will too!

 

Show Empathy to Your Kids

 

Becoming empathic is somewhat natural and something that most children will do. But it’s important that we continue to show empathy to our kids and others around us. We are always the best models of behavior and social situations for our kids. Kids learn empathy as we get on their level, look at them, and acknowledge their emotions. With all of this support, your child should be showing empathy in no time!

   

Love, Ashley E

 

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